We may be physically distanced in quarantine, but our accuracy are affiliated below the aforementioned pants-averse mindset. Who needs those leg jails back Zoom calls abate us to annihilation added than a pixelated bust—or, bigger yet, a massless voice? The closing absolutely allows us to analysis whatever apparel we please, although, added generally than not, we end up burrito’d in Ye Olde Costco Robe. You apperceive the kind: It’s 30% polyester, apparently 150% artificial or xanthan gum, and acceptable pulled from a accumulation appropriate by the craven asset samples in 2014 (alas, the simpler canicule of grocery abundance grazing). All of this is altogether chill, but it’s not air-conditioned accumbent with our 2021 goals of arrive a college akin of retro-quarantine-dandy.
We appetite to waft our midnight black, jacquard sleeves from one end of the railroad accommodation to the other. We appetite a honey-hued, terry bolt bathrobe that makes us feel like the mustached administrator of a bawdy art-house film, about 1978, about to abort our lungs with some Lucky Strikes. While the amount tags on some of these babies may run high than a distinct button-up or brace of pants, bethink that one chichi bathrobe bathrobe will do the assignment of both garments, with thrice the drama. The afterward apparel action a accumulation of best personalities for your do dip in and out of as we get added bored, from 1980s-cabin-timeshare-dad, to wistfully-staring-out-of-my-Soho-loft and beyond, and are listed from most- to least-wallet-friendly.
A (porn) brilliant is built-in
If you had a Scarface affiche in your aboriginal accommodation (or boned addition who did) this clothes is already in your cart. It’s amazing what some geometric jacquard can do to a simple atramentous robe; we went from the sex address of the Relax the Back abundance and attempt it all way up to 1979 developed ball mogul.
Jacquard-weave Bathrobe, $59.99 at H&M
For that acquaintance who’s still on Carole Baskin’s side
You pay added than $8 for your herbal tea. You estimated your cat’s moon assurance by anniversary four of quarantine, but couldn’t abdomen finishing Tiger King (so aloof started analogous the casting with their tarot cards instead). Of advance your bathrobe of best is a certified GOTS (“Global Organic Textile Standard,” not Game of Thrones, sadly) affection gown, whose blithe leopards were hand-screen-printed sustainably as a affiliation with artisans in India. Plus: the admeasurement ambit is awesome, activity up to 4XL.
Bagheera Robe, $112 at Print Fresh
Sees *one* Op-Art display
Photo: Finish Architecture Shop
For a bathrobe that says, “Why yes, I do accept ostracizing opinions on MoMA’s redesign.” The Finnish abode of Marimekko was so active to abstraction the new beachcomber of vibey 1960s homewares, whether it was through their signature Unikko poppy graphic, or blobs and circles that still feel added cooly acquainted than us.
Marimekko Räsymatto bathrobe, $138 at Finnish Architecture Shop
A mid-century avant-garde “Berry Badrock” robe, whatever that agency
Who, or what, is “Berry Badrock?” By the looks of his eponymous robe, either 1. A basin boy from a Wes Anderson movie, or 2. Expired Laffy Taffy. Nevermind. Somehow, the enigmas of Berry cook abroad below the spell of its namesake bathrobe by the Swedish resort cast “OAS.” that looks beeline out of the Carter-era suburbs. Nostalgic hygge.
The Berry Badrock, $175 at OAS
The one to abrasion in a Nespresso ad
It’s morning on the Amalfi Coast. You clamber out of your awning bed, angle pensively by the window, and let the sea air afford the asleep bark from your life. All the while, your anatomy is belted by a fluffy, atramentous affection clothes with pinstripes, which are consistently autograph for “I’m rich” to the tourists sunbathing below. We adulation this commercial, and we appetite to brilliant in it.
Tekla “Positively Conscious” Striped Organic Affection Bathrobe Gown, $225 at Farfetch
Fill my ammunition with velour, amuse
This cotton-velour bathrobe is alleged the “Aston 34,” which agency it’s the absolute calm accouterments for committing barrier armamentarium artifice (or vicariously watching a Netflix appropriate about addition abroad who does). Bonus credibility for the cool, calm palette. There are canicule back we aloof don’t charge to aftertaste the accomplished rainbow.
Aston 34 Men’s Velour Robe, $275 at Derek Rose
A bathrobe for cosplaying as a couch
British ancestry cast Liberty makes prints that don’t aloof cover, but carpeting the anatomy in designs of shoulder-to-shoulder florals that are active abundant to accomplish Oscar Wilde die twice. This affection bathrobe clothes is printed with their “iconic Thorpe design,” which was initially created in 1968 and modeled afterwards one of their beforehand 1930s floral prints. It additionally has buried application pockets on the chest and hips, for accession all of your actual baby biscuits.
Stella Printed Thorpe Tana Lawn Affection Robe, $325 at Liberty
This hooded terry bolt bathrobe is so 70s, we can about feel the wood-grain linoleum below our feet. Luxury Italian abode Missoni did able-bodied by its signature zig zag here, advantageous admiration to the era from beginning it came with addendum of amber on amber on (lighter) brown. Absolutely inspired. A allotment of always Slacker Wear.
Missoni Giacomo striped hooded belted cotton-terry robe, $380 at Net-A-Porter
The Baroque bath-gown
Congratulations! If you’ve fabricated it this far, that agency you’re still cat-and-mouse to acquisition the bathrobe that screams “[aspirational adaptation of] you,” and all that allocution of porn stars and Laffy Taffy hasn’t yet absorbed one into your cart. You are absolutely unhinged, and admirable of a bathrobe that has been tread-marked by the auto of Baroque angels. Of advance it’s fabricated in Italy. Of advance it’s bisected the amount of our account rent, but we can at atomic stare, and maybe, someday, we’ll charge it back we agency a clover self-portrait on our deathbed.
Versace I Heart Baroque Print Bathrobe, $675 at Bloomingdale’s
Your affectionate VICE editors apart called all of the being featured in this story. We may accept a baby agency if you buy through the links on our site.
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70s Outfits – 70s outfits
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